Dear Parent,
I’m Marwa El-Sayed, a counsellor who has worked in both counselling centres and student support teams. My time with HAPHE began when I recognised how often pain hides behind achievement. I believe prevention is not about control but connection — and I write to you now as a parent who’s learning, too.
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When Change Arrives Before They’re Ready
How change can feel like loss before it becomes growth
6 Mins
Marwa El-Sayed
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Two months ago, Sienna (real name withheld) arrived twenty minutes late, still clutching her phone. “Sorry—I couldn’t stop scrolling,” she said. The glare of the screen stayed on her face even when she turned it off. I realised how connection online can quietly own the story.
She laughed describing the chaos of moving flats, then fell silent. “I used to love unpredictability,” she said. “Now every change feels like a warning.” She’d invested all her calm in things staying familiar. The sudden shifts — new tutor, new city rhythm — had left her balance chasing after itself.
I saw how change, though natural, can feel like a collapse to someone whose stability depends on predictability. She had over-invested in familiarity. Without inner flexibility, even growth feels like danger. Balance means accepting flux before it arrives.
Love turns from warmth to quiet dependency
Transition stress has become one of the most cited reasons for university counselling referrals. Change exposes concentration: too much security tied to predictability. Preventive education teaches anticipation — the idea that all stability is temporary, and that’s okay. Balance is the quiet skill of shifting weight before the ground moves.
Change unsettles even confident students. When your child sounds disoriented, remember that adaptation isn’t instant. Share stories of transitions you survived — moves, losses, shifts. Normalise uncertainty as evidence of life unfolding. Preventive care here means reassurance without solution: reminding them that stability isn’t the absence of change but the ability to carry themselves through it.
Change unsettles even confident students. When your child sounds disoriented, remember that adaptation isn’t instant. Share stories of transitions you survived — moves, losses, shifts. Normalise uncertainty as evidence of life unfolding. Preventive care here means reassurance without solution: reminding them that stability isn’t the absence of change but the ability to carry themselves through it.
When self-worth unhooks from applause
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Change had arrived faster than she could name it — new city, new friends, new silence. What she missed most wasn’t certainty but familiarity. I’ve seen how grief hides inside growth; how even wanted change still mourns the version left behind. Naming that mourning aloud makes adaptation human again.
Stories, not verdicts.
Months later she sent a message: “I’m learning to let slow be enough.” I smiled reading it. She’d made peace with transition. The bridge between what’s known and what’s next is built plank by plank — new habits, new meanings. There’s no hurry in healing. Time is the teacher most deserving of trust.
Her last message was short: “Still building.” There was no urgency, only steadiness. That’s how prevention often ends — quietly. Not in applause or revelation, but in continuity. She’d learned that living doesn’t require constant proof; it only asks for awareness.
A Few Tips
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1. Say: “Change always feels like loss before it feels like learning.” This phrase normalises discomfort as part of transformation. When they hear it from you, uncertainty becomes less isolating.
2. Invite them to reflect: “What’s wonderful about this bond, and what might be hard?” This prepares them for balance without discouragement.
3. Say: “What’s changing that you didn’t choose, and what can you choose within it?” Control re-enters gently through agency.
4. Say, “Love is stronger when both joy and challenge are honoured.” This steadies expectations while affirming possibility.
Together we can notice patterns before crisis comes. With warmth, Marwa El-Sayed, Student Counsellor writing for HAPHE.
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Together we can notice patterns before crisis comes. With warmth, Marwa El-Sayed, Student Counsellor writing for HAPHE.
With care,
Marwa El-Sayed
Could You Help ?
Around ten percent of students in HAPHE’s records described distress when relationships clashed with family or faith. CAFÉ Check-Ins provide scaffolding so joy and challenge can be balanced without collapse. Your support sustains prevention, and sharing our work online helps bring it to more universities.
Self, Change, Dreams/Education