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Tying self-worth to likes and followers

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When Followers Defined My Worth

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5 Mins

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Priya Desai

Edited By:

My Diaries Anonymous: Maya O., Architecture

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52,000 followers and I still cry when a reel flops. Last week a big account reposted mine but in a mocking way, and overnight I lost thousands of followers. I still go to lectures and nod along, but inside I feel like I don’t exist anymore without the numbers.

I refreshed my account so many times I thought my phone would break. Four thousand followers gone overnight, comments tearing me apart. Everyone in lectures still saw the “perfect” me lashes, co-ord, calm but inside I was shattered. And the scariest part? Realising that without the screen, I didn’t know who I was.

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Follower loss unravels the self beneath the screen

Now I post less, but even silence feels like a performance. Friends still tag me in aesthetic photos and expect me to smile like nothing happened. But I can’t unsee the comments, the ratios, the follower count dipping like a heartbeat monitor. It’s not just online it seeps into everything.

Numbers used to feel like validation, but now they feel like a scoreboard I’m losing on. I don’t know how to measure my worth outside of metrics and that’s the part that scares me most. The likes, the tags, the reposts they used to feel like proof I mattered. But now I refresh and feel nothing. Or worse, I feel invisible. I keep telling myself it’s just an algorithm, but deep down, I’ve let it define me. And stepping away feels less like freedom and more like erasure.

The stalled growth pain is real. I pinned all my self-worth on my YouTube subscriber count. When it froze, I felt frozen too. I got unstuck by making videos I never uploaded they were just for me.

Even silence feels performative when your self-worth is measured in engagement.

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I’m far from sorted, but I’m learning to measure progress in more than numbers. Doing work that no one else sees reminds me that self-worth can grow without an audience.

Social media is sold as fun, but for a lot of us it’s the container for everything: friends, status, self-worth. I’ve read studies saying the dopamine hits from likes mirror gambling, which makes sense when you feel withdrawal after a bad post. Losing followers isn’t just numbers it’s like the ground shifts, because everything you’ve built is tied to that identity.

Momentum is fragile if all your hope rests on growth, a stall can feel like collapse.

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Social media dependence is one of the starkest findings in HAPHE’s student research. Stories reveal that when identity, friendship, and self-worth are built inside platforms, disruption feels overwhelming. The Institute highlights that what looks like “just numbers” to outsiders is actually collapse of an entire emotional structure. It’s not exaggeration it’s evidence from student lives.

Some Tips 

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1. Unfollow accounts that make you feel like you're not enough your worth isn’t measured in metrics.

2. Log off for a few hours every weekend reclaim quiet time as something sacred, not something missing.

3. Choose a digital sabbath one full day a week where you disconnect and focus inward.

4. Choose creators and voices who make you feel grounded, not anxious your algorithm can be a reflection of care.

Let yourself be held by the little things. They count too. Wishing you the very best

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Priya Desai

University of Leicester, Criminology

This is an anonymous submission, edited for clarity and shared with consent. All names and references have been changed. 74% of students experience burnout in some form. HAPHE believes your time deserves more than one place to belong. Explore the HAPHE Pledge here:

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