Logging off feels harder than failing
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When I Discovered Gaming Had Taken Over
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6 Mins
Jamal Carter
Edited By:
My Diaries Anonymous: Theo R., Computer Science
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What started as a way to chill after lectures has become my whole timetable. If I’m not gaming, I’m thinking about gaming. Deadlines stack up, emails stay unread, and my room feels like both prison and refuge. I know I’m hiding, but logging off means facing how behind I really am.
The nights blend into mornings. I tell myself “just one more match” and suddenly the sun’s up and my assignment’s untouched. I’ve missed calls, skipped meals, even lied about being ill just to cover the fact I’d been online all night. And still, logging off feels scarier than failing, because at least in the game I know my place.
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Gaming becomes safe but costs everything else
I once told myself gaming was just a way to switch off. But now, when I close the laptop, I realise the rest of my life feels harder to log back into. Emails stack up. Deadlines blur. Friends stop asking me to come out. The game feels safe because it’s predictable, but that safety has started costing me everything else.
Sometimes the game feels more like a door I’ve locked myself behind. It’s not just about escapism it’s about building a world where nothing hurts, even if it means nothing heals either. I’ve started dreading logging out, because when the screen fades to black, real life rushes back in with unanswered emails, unread messages, reminders of how much I’ve let slip. The game gives me control, structure, rewards. Life feels like the opposite: chaotic, uncertain, relentless. And it’s not that I don’t want to re-engage. I’m just scared I’ve forgotten how.
Gaming was my hiding place too. Freshers year I clocked 60 hours in one week on FIFA. I eased out of it by agreeing with a mate to swap one gaming session for a coffee catch-up. Didn’t fix everything, but it broke the cycle.
Escaping into a game is easy but returning to life feels harder every time.
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I’m far from perfect, but swapping even one gaming night for something else helps. It shows me that putting every ounce of energy into a single escape route makes the crash worse when it collapses.
People say gaming is just fun, but I’ve noticed how it eats whole days and nights without you realising. I’ve read that the WHO even named “gaming disorder,” which makes me feel less like I’m exaggerating when I say it can take over. It’s not about blaming the game, but about how easily it fills every gap stress, boredom, loneliness until there’s no space left for anything else. And when real life calls, you feel even less ready, so the cycle keeps going. It’s not weakness. It’s how the design works.
Leisure is meant to restore but when it holds everything, it risks taking everything when it falters.
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After Covid HAPHE researchers (students) ditched data and started Listening to hundreds of Students. Pain points accounts. It revealed that leisure can become both a lifeline and a trap. Students often tell us that what started as relaxation morphed into avoidance, until other areas academic progress, friendships, health shrank. The research shows that trauma is more likely when the emotional ledger is unbalanced. Leisure is valuable, but when it becomes the only safe space, its loss or disruption destabilises everything else.
Some Tips
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1. Try setting a timer when you game and reward yourself with one small real-life task before logging back in balance can help.
2. Leave a sticky note on your desk with one small task for the day visual reminders help you stay grounded.
3. Set an alarm for a non-screen activity even 10 minutes outside helps shift your mental state.
4. Don’t wait for motivation to return sometimes discipline shows up first, and clarity follows.
Don’t forget to check in with yourself, not just your deadlines. Take care of you!
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Jamal Carter
Coventry University, Games Technology
This post has been anonymised and refined slightly for tone. It was published with full consent from the author. With over 70% of young people experiencing burnout, we hope this piece brings validation. HAPHE’s mission is to encourage more than one anchor so we always have something to hold. Explore the HAPHE Pledge here: