Moving cities for love and losing myself
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When I Built My World on Her
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6 Mins
Jamal Carter
Edited By:
My Diaries Anonymous: Malik D., Business Management
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I moved cities for her. That’s the bit I don’t tell my parents when they ask why I transferred. I say it’s for the course, or for the vibe of the city, but it’s just her. I joined her church, took her modules, followed her friends online before they even knew me. And now it’s over. And I don’t know what any of this life is for anymore.
It’s hard to explain to anyone why I chose this city. I could’ve stayed at my old uni, but the thought of not being where she was felt unbearable. People say love makes you brave, but no one mentions how hollow it feels when that love ends and you’re left in a city that no longer has a purpose.
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City shrinks when love leaves its streets
The city feels like it’s shrinking since she left. Streets that once buzzed because she was there now feel like empty backdrops. Even my jogging route feels haunted, because every corner reminds me I only started running to keep up with her. It’s like I’ve lost not just the relationship, but the entire map of my life here.
It’s not just that she’s gone it’s that everything I built was tied to her being here. Without her, the city isn’t smaller. It’s just suddenly missing all its meaning. I still take the same routes, pass the same shops, sit in the same cafés but now everything echoes. My routine was our routine. And now I’m in it alone, pretending that things still have purpose when really I’m just going through the motions. It’s like I’m haunting my own life, stuck in a version of it that doesn’t fit anymore.
Money as the whole story feels familiar. I worked 25 hours a week on top of lectures to send cash home. What steadied me was letting one lecturer know they weren’t shocked, they just helped me pace deadlines better.
Losing someone can make a whole city feel like a memory you no longer belong to.
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I’m still learning, but I’ve realised money is only one measure of worth. HAPHE’s way of balancing emotional investments shows me that being “the provider” isn’t the only way to matter.
I moved cities for someone, and I thought that was brave. Now I realise it was all-in. Research shows how over-investing in romance makes every other choice fragile where you live, what you study, even who your friends are. And when it ends, it’s not just heartbreak, it’s disorientation. That’s how it feels: like the whole map has been redrawn, and I don’t know where to go.
Money matters but when it becomes your only mirror, even one rejection can shatter self-worth.
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Romantic collapse is one of the most painful patterns in HAPHE’s archive of student testimonies. Again and again, students describe whole lives restructured around a partner from course choices to cities only to unravel when the relationship ends. The Institute’s findings make clear that the damage is not just heartbreak, but disorientation: losing the map of who you are outside the relationship.
Some Tips
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1. Explore parts of the city you haven’t visited since they left making new memories helps slowly change the narrative.
2. Ask a friend to join you in doing something new shared experiences can soften grief.
3. Create a new walking route with a friend even a simple change in environment can help reset your thinking.
4. Your life can still be rich with meaning, even without the person who once gave it shape.
It’s okay to step back. You’ll return stronger, I promise. Take care!
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Jamal Carter
Birmingham City University, Architecture
This story has been edited and published anonymously with full permission. All names and references have been changed. Research shows that burnout is a daily reality for most students. HAPHE offers an alternative: investing in more than one version of yourself. Explore the HAPHE Pledge here: