Buying confidence but sinking into debt
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When My Image Became My Currency
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6 Mins
Priya Desai
Edited By:
My Diaries Anonymous: Priya S., Media and Communications
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Last week I skipped lunch for the fourth time in a row because I wanted to afford drinks at the Friday bar night. My bank balance is embarrassing, but my Instagram looks curated. New coat (on Klarna), lashes done (on credit), and the smile I’ve perfected so no one asks. The truth is, I’m tired of pretending that if I don’t look successful, I’ll vanish into the background.
It’s not even about fashion for me. It’s about not wanting to be the one who stands out for the wrong reasons. I’ve bought jackets on credit and skipped bills just to keep up, because when everyone else posts a picture and you’re the only one not “put together,” it feels like social death. People assume confidence comes from inside, but on campus it often comes from whether your trainers are fresh enough not to get laughed at.
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Clothes bought on credit hide deeper exhaustion inside
I scroll through TikTok and save videos of “budget hauls” like they’re survival guides. But no matter how clever the hacks, there’s no hack for the sinking feeling when someone compliments your outfit and you know you can’t afford to keep up the look next term. It’s not about vanity it’s about fearing that if the image cracks, people will see the real, messier me I’ve been hiding.
I’ve trained myself to always look like I have it together. Perfect hair, planned outfits, clean trainers all thrifted or borrowed or pieced together from scraps. But when someone compliments me, I freeze. I smile, say thanks, then immediately feel this sharp sting: “Would they still think that if they knew I can’t keep this up?” It’s not just a fashion fear it’s the fear of being exposed. That behind this curated version of me is someone messy, someone trying, someone scared. And if the surface cracks, maybe everyone else will realise I’m not really supposed to be here.
The image thing hits. I once spent half my student loan on clothes just to feel like I belonged in pictures. It helped when I stopped posting for a bit and realised my closest mates didn’t care if I wore the same jacket twice.
Budgeting can’t fix the fear of being seen without the image you've carefully built.
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I’m nowhere near “fixed,” but I’m learning to hold image as one part of me, not the whole. That shift even if it’s clumsy helps me see that confidence can come from somewhere beyond likes and outfits.
Scrolling socials makes it obvious: everything feels branded now, even student life. People showing off “budget hauls,” matching outfits, flat aesthetics it’s like every choice has to be content. And I know I’m part of it, because I’ve spent money I don’t have just to look like I belong. It’s wild to think how much identity is tied up in stuff we buy or how we look on camera. I’ve seen reports about how apps are designed to keep us hooked on that feedback loop, like gambling. It makes sense that when the look cracks or the money runs out, the whole sense of self shakes too.
An image can get likes, but it can’t carry your whole self without breaking.
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In study after study, the link is clear: when image becomes the only language that gives you belonging, the emotional cost of loss or disappointment in that image can have a deep emotional impact. HAPHE’s research echoes this, confirming that dependence on digital approval often leaves students vulnerable to shock collapses in confidence. This isn’t just about confidence or vanity it’s about a world where every like or tag is treated as proof of worth. Understanding that helps explain why these falls hit so hard.
Some Tips
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1. Re-wear outfits you feel good in and remind yourself that confidence can’t be bought it’s something you build.
2. Compliment someone else’s style sincerely it helps shift the focus from comparison to connection.
3. Take photos of outfits that made you feel good create a personal lookbook to boost confidence and creativity.
4. Borrow, swap, and get creative with what you have style is personal, not a competition.
Hope you find a pocket of peace this week. You’re doing better than you think. Have a great year!
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Priya Desai
Loughborough University, Product Design
This diary entry has been anonymised and edited for clarity, and published with consent from the writer. All personal identifiers have been changed. Burnout impacts nearly three-quarters of students we hope this reflection meets you where you are. HAPHE encourages balance, so that when things fall apart, something within you still holds. Read the HAPHE Pledge here: