Measuring worth only by financial survival
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When Money Ruled Everything
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7 Mins
Aisha Malik
Edited By:
My Diaries Anonymous: Samira E., English Literature
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While everyone else talks about socials or trips, I’m colour-coding my budget spreadsheet. I don’t drink, don’t date, don’t “waste” time every move is about securing income after graduation. And then the internship offer disappeared last minute. It wasn’t just a job I lost. It was the only reason I’ve been holding everything else together.
After the internship rejection, I didn’t cry. I just deleted the colour-coded spreadsheet. Friends think I’m disciplined, but they don’t see how heavy it is to live like every choice is survival. Losing that job wasn’t just losing money it was losing the story I told myself to keep going.
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Money obsession steals the meaning from survival
I tell people I’m “fine” after the rejection, but what I really feel is empty. The spreadsheets, the budgeting, the all-nighters they were all for that internship. Now that it’s gone, I don’t know what story I’m supposed to tell myself anymore. And without the story, the grind feels meaningless.
Now that the internship’s gone, I feel like I’m stuck in a loop with no new chapter. It’s not just disappointment it’s disorientation. I built my life for a destination that no longer exists. Everything the friends, the all-nighters, the course choices was scaffolding for that one goal. And now that it’s gone, I don’t know how to rebuild without knocking everything else down too. I’m mourning more than the loss of a job. I’m mourning the story I told myself to survive the grind.
Social media collapse is real. I lost 3,000 followers after one messy post. For weeks I felt invisible. What helped was setting a 30-minute daily limit forcing myself to step out reminded me the world outside didn’t vanish.
Rejection stings deeper when your entire identity was tied to the opportunity.
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I’m still shaky with it, but I understand now that social media is only one container. Putting energy into things that exist offline makes the dips online hurt a little less.
Money being the only storyline makes life so narrow. I read about how financial stress in students is one of the biggest predictors of anxiety, and I believe it. When income is all you chase, there’s no space left for joy or balance. And when the money falls through, it’s not just stress it’s identity loss. Because you’ve built your whole self around being “the provider” or “the survivor.”
Platforms can build a persona but when numbers crash, self-worth shouldn’t go with it.
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Money-focused identity is another strong pattern. HAPHE’s research shows that when income or financial survival is the dominant anchor, even small disruptions feel catastrophic. Students told us they didn’t just lose money when jobs or placements fell through they lost purpose, self-worth, and the fragile story keeping them moving. The Institute stresses this is structural, not personal failure.
Some Tips
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1. If your future feels unclear, focus on building your days instead small daily choices often shape direction.
2. Give yourself permission to press pause rest isn’t failure, it’s part of rebuilding.
3. Try talking out your disappointment instead of pushing through it naming loss can make space for new direction.
4. Rebuild your timeline not based on pressure, but on what actually lights you up.
Look after yourself in the way you’d look after someone you love. Wishing you the very best
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Aisha Malik
University of Northampton, Accounting and Finance
This reflection has been edited for clarity and anonymity, and is shared with permission. Burnout now touches the lives of nearly three in four students. HAPHE is a reminder that having multiple sources of meaning can hold you through the hard days. Check out the HAPHE Pledge here: