Building a whole life around one relationship
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When My Life Orbit Was Him
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6 Mins
Priya Desai
Edited By:
My Diaries Anonymous: Naveen T., Economics
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On paper, I look like I’ve got a balanced life: sports, society, decent grades. But the truth? Every decision has been orbiting him. Joined photography because he loves cameras, picked modules he’s in, even started going to the gym for “my health” when really, it was just to keep up with what he finds attractive. And now he’s gone. And I’m standing here with a life that doesn’t feel like mine.
After he ghosted me, I kept turning up to the same places we’d been, like muscle memory. Netball felt pointless. The radio shows I’d signed up for felt empty. I realised everything I’d joined was never really mine it was all scaffolding to keep him close. Now, without him, the scaffolding has collapsed and I’m just standing in the rubble.
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Life scaffolding collapses when built around one person
I started deleting photos of him from my camera roll, but every time I did, the silence in my room grew heavier. Netball friends invite me out and I can’t explain why I don’t want to go. How do you say “I only joined because of him” without sounding pathetic? So instead I stay home and scroll, trying not to look like I’ve lost my entire script.
The ache isn’t just about losing him it’s about losing the shape of my days, the map of my meaning. I didn’t just lose a relationship; I lost the version of me that made sense inside it. I still scroll through memories, not because I miss him, but because I miss who I was when things felt full. Now everything feels like an echo the modules I chose for him, the team I joined because he liked it. I’m not just grieving a person. I’m grieving a structure. And I don’t know how to build something new from all these scattered pieces.
I understand the collapse after a breakup. I transferred unis for someone who left three months later. The only way I rebuilt was by picking one module I genuinely liked it gave me back a corner of myself.
When the person you built your routine around leaves, even your hobbies feel hollow.
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I’m still rebuilding, but I’m realising that tying every choice to one person is risky. Having even one corner of life that’s mine alone makes the collapse feel less total.
It’s wild how quickly one person can become the centre of gravity. I used to think my life was balanced societies, sports, studying but looking back, all of it was orbiting one relationship. Research calls it “derived investment,” where you think you’ve spread yourself out but really, it’s all tied to one person. And when they go, the whole thing collapses. That’s exactly how it feels like I’ve been living someone else’s life, and now I don’t know mine.
When your life orbits someone else’s, losing them means losing your map too.
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Students repeatedly told HAPHE that relationships can mask imbalance. On the surface, they look diverse sports, societies, study but underneath, all of it is linked to one anchor. The Institute’s findings show that this “derived investment” is deceptive, because when the relationship ends, everything tethered to it unravels. It’s not drama. It’s a structural fragility that too many young people face.
Some Tips
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1. Pick one activity to reclaim for yourself, even if you started it because of someone else it's part of rediscovering your space.
2. Let yourself skip a meet-up or event without guilt rebuilding identity means listening to what *you* need.
3. Make plans that have nothing to do with your old routines it helps your new life take shape.
4. You’re allowed to outgrow the version of you that existed in someone else’s orbit.
Try not to carry everything at once. You’re allowed to put things down. Have a great year!
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Priya Desai
Aston University, Sports Science
This anonymous story has been edited for language consistency and posted with consent. All names and references have been changed. Burnout is more than a buzzword it affects nearly 3 in 4 students. HAPHE exists to help you build a life with multiple pillars. See the HAPHE Pledge here: