Dear Parent,
I’m Elinor Bryce, a counsellor who began volunteering with HAPHE when I realised that prevention is a form of care often overlooked. My career has spanned student wellbeing across several universities, but what holds my focus now is partnership — between us, the parents, and those who hold their trust.
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When Comparison Steals Their Joy
When constant comparison quietly erodes their joy
5 Mins
Elinor Bryce
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Amira (real name withheld) came in drenched from the rain. “I almost didn’t,” she admitted. Her Bible peeked from her bag beside a crumpled essay. “They’d be disappointed if they knew what I’m thinking,” she said. Her faith felt less like comfort, more like test.
She showed me her feed, pointing at photos of smiling classmates. “They’re thriving,” she said. “I’m just surviving.” Every scroll redrew the line between her and everyone else. Comparison was no longer occasional; it was constant proof of insufficiency.
Watching her scroll, I saw comparison operating like background radiation — invisible but eroding. She’d invested emotion into an imaginary scoreboard. Balance begins when we notice that admiration doesn’t require self-erasure.
Loneliness camouflaged inside crowded timetables
Comparison fatigue is a subtle but widespread form of distress. Research on social comparison theory confirms that constant upward contrast erodes motivation and joy alike. Prevention comes from reframing success as coexistence — appreciating others without using them as mirrors.
When your child compares themselves constantly, resist counter-comparison. Instead of “you’re better than you think,” try “you’re more than any ranking.” Share memories of your own doubts. Comparison shrinks in conversation that values curiosity over competition. Your voice can become the quiet backdrop against which perspective returns.
When your child compares themselves constantly, resist counter-comparison. Instead of “you’re better than you think,” try “you’re more than any ranking.” Share memories of your own doubts. Comparison shrinks in conversation that values curiosity over competition. Your voice can become the quiet backdrop against which perspective returns.
Freedom reborn as gentleness
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He scrolled endlessly between peers’ updates, each swipe thinning self-esteem. It struck me that comparison is hunger disguised as observation. We reframed success as variety — joy shared rather than ranked. Gradually, appetite became admiration again.
Glimpses, not rules.
He began posting less and meeting friends more. “It feels quieter in my head,” he said, as though peace were an unfamiliar sound. Comparison no longer dictated his day. Balance doesn’t delete ambition; it rightsizes it. Joy found room again.
He wrote an essay about authenticity for his dissertation. I smiled reading it. Comparison had turned into curiosity. He wasn’t competing; he was studying the pattern. That’s the shift prevention creates — awareness replacing reflex.
A Few Tips
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1. Ask: “When do you feel most yourself—before or after scrolling?” That small reflection helps them reclaim inner rhythm from comparison.
2. Encourage them to share small wins with you. Celebrating both saving and mistakes steadies confidence around money.
3. Say: “Whose timeline are you really following?” Awareness defuses comparison’s urgency.
4. Say, “Financial freedom is a journey, not a single step.” This reassures them that mistakes are part of steady growth.
Your support helps uncover what students often hide. With gratitude, Elinor Bryce, Student Counsellor writing for HAPHE.
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Your support helps uncover what students often hide. With gratitude, Elinor Bryce, Student Counsellor writing for HAPHE.
Gratefully,
Elinor Bryce
Could You Help ?
Around twelve percent of students described anxiety tied to financial mistakes. CAFÉ Check-Ins prepare them for both freedom and responsibility, steadying independence. Your support brings balance to more young lives, and sharing our mission online helps it reach further.
Social Media, Self, Comparison