Dear Parent,
I’m Jordan Wells. Over the years counselling students in universities across the Midlands, I’ve seen how many worries grow from preventable roots. Joining HAPHE gave me a way to speak about prevention without barriers — to work with families, not just institutions. I write as both counsellor and parent.
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When Faith Feels Like Fear
When belief becomes a battleground between identity and peace
7 Mins
Jordan Wells
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Talia (real name withheld) slid into the chair with a nervous laugh. “I keep comparing myself to people I don’t even like,” she said. Her feed dictated her mood; her mirror, her worth.
She described waking up before dawn to pray, then spending the day apologising to God for not feeling enough. Her faith was sincere, but every lapse felt like a failure of identity. She whispered, “I can’t tell my parents. They’d worry I’m changing.” The weight of holiness had turned into a fear of disappointing love.
I remember feeling the tension between faith and fear. She wasn’t losing belief; she was drowning in expectation. When spiritual life turns into self-surveillance, devotion becomes depletion. The root wasn’t doubt — it was over-investment in perfection.
A friendship masking fatigue more than connection
Faith crises among students are rarely about belief; they’re about balance. When devotion fuses with fear, spirituality turns fragile. Research in religious psychology notes that flexibility within faith predicts wellbeing far more than rigidity. Prevention lies in acknowledging both reverence and doubt as parts of the same conversation.
If faith feels tense in your household conversations, take heart — tension can mean transformation. When your child hesitates to share doubt, it isn’t rejection of values but fear of disappointing you. Try to keep belief as dialogue, not doctrine. Let them see that faith survives questions. Balance grows when reverence coexists with honesty, and the surest prevention of despair is permission to explore.
If faith feels tense in your household conversations, take heart — tension can mean transformation. When your child hesitates to share doubt, it isn’t rejection of values but fear of disappointing you. Try to keep belief as dialogue, not doctrine. Let them see that faith survives questions. Balance grows when reverence coexists with honesty, and the surest prevention of despair is permission to explore.
Honesty becomes the quiet form of faith
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She confessed that faith used to feel like belonging, now it felt like surveillance. It made me realise how belief without breath becomes burden. When conviction isn’t allowed to question, it stops being conviction at all. True faith expands through dialogue; silence only breeds distance.
Guidance, not demands.
Her parents came for a visit and found a different version of her — thoughtful, peaceful, still believing but breathing easier. She’d stopped performing certainty. Balance had returned because curiosity was allowed back in. Faith, I realised, doesn’t fracture under question; it matures. Prevention often begins with permission.
She once told me that questioning her faith had felt like betrayal, but now she calls it conversation. That reframe changed everything. Faith, when balanced, grows more honest, not less. I keep her story close because it reminds me that the cure for fragility isn’t certainty; it’s curiosity held safely.
A Few Tips
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1. Say: “Faith isn’t about never doubting—it’s about staying in the conversation.” Let that sentence breathe. It tells them curiosity doesn’t cancel belief. When they realise doubt can coexist with devotion, balance replaces fear.
2. Explore “what if” scenarios in a hopeful way. Ask, “If this door doesn’t open, which other one excites you?” This reframes ambition.
3. Say: “What does peace feel like, not just faith?” Shifting from doctrine to sensation reconnects spirituality to lived experience.
4. Say, “Your future is wide, and you carry yourself into all of it.” This reframes success as portable, not place-bound.
We honour your steady love in changing times. With warmth, Jordan Wells, Student Counsellor writing for HAPHE.
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We honour your steady love in changing times. With warmth, Jordan Wells, Student Counsellor writing for HAPHE.
With appreciation,
Jordan Wells
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