Dear Parent,
My name is Ayla Corrin. I’ve counselled in four universities, listening to young people try to make sense of a world that moves faster than they can think. I joined the HAPHE movement because it gives language to what many feel — that prevention is the truest form of care.
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When the Screen Starts Owning the Story
What happens when validation becomes the measure of self
5 Mins
Ayla Corrin
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Tariq (real name withheld) arrived early, fresh from a presentation. He smiled but his hands shook. “Success feels dangerous,” he confessed. “If I stop now, I’ll slip.” He’d forgotten that rest isn’t retreat.
She laughed when I asked about rest. “I can’t disappear,” she said. “The algorithm punishes gaps.” Her day was a loop of recording, editing, refreshing. Meals were content, moods were metrics. When likes dipped, her heartbeat followed. It was clear she’d invested emotional currency in numbers that could vanish overnight.
I realised she’d built an emotional economy around feedback. The screen rewarded her for exposure but punished her for silence. What looked like confidence was actually constant accounting — trading self-worth for digital proof. It made me wonder how many young people live on invisible stock markets of approval.
Dreams pressed too tightly begin to tremble
It’s not only social media that amplifies anxiety; it’s the architecture of reward. These platforms invite constant evaluation, and students internalise that rhythm. Psychological research calls it variable reinforcement — the same loop that drives slot machines. Prevention means helping them remember that selfhood isn’t built on metrics but meaning.
If you’ve ever seen your child watching their screen as if it holds their reflection, know that it’s rarely vanity; it’s reassurance. The digital world rewards attention but never returns it in full. You can help by grounding them in physical moments that resist comparison — shared walks, unrecorded laughter, meals without photographs. Validation that stays offline lasts longer. What matters most is not limiting their world but widening it until online becomes only one window among many.
If you’ve ever seen your child watching their screen as if it holds their reflection, know that it’s rarely vanity; it’s reassurance. The digital world rewards attention but never returns it in full. You can help by grounding them in physical moments that resist comparison — shared walks, unrecorded laughter, meals without photographs. Validation that stays offline lasts longer. What matters most is not limiting their world but widening it until online becomes only one window among many.
Discovering space inside old commitments
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She looked exhausted, not from work but from the constant maintenance of her image. Every smile felt rehearsed. When validation becomes oxygen, it leaves no air for rest. The screen isn’t the problem; it’s the mirror that doesn’t blink. Our work became re-introducing her to reflection that didn’t need an audience.
Respect for your love.
She deleted the app for two days and panicked less than she expected. We laughed about it — small wins matter. The world she’d built on screen didn’t vanish; it just stopped owning her attention. That’s what balance really is: not abstinence, but authorship. She began creating again for joy, not for views. In that difference lay the seed of self.
Months later she told me she’d re-downloaded the app but no longer checked it before bed. “I want to sleep inside my life again,” she said. I smiled. That sentence carried every ounce of recovery. She wasn’t chasing quiet; she was curating it. Prevention doesn’t erase technology — it restores authorship of attention. That’s the difference between possession and participation.
A Few Tips
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1. Ask: “How do you feel when you’re offline?” That single pause invites awareness of how much mood follows metrics. Let them describe their body, their breath, their focus. When they notice stillness returning, you’ve already begun the prevention. Reflection—not restriction—is what breaks the loop.
2. Say, “What’s something you’d enjoy even if this relationship wasn’t there?” This broadens focus without criticising love.
3. Ask: “How does your body feel after scrolling?” Grounding the digital back in the physical interrupts disembodied comparison.
4. Say, “Love adds to who you are — it doesn’t replace it.” This affirms romance while protecting identity.
Your support helps uncover what students often hide. With steady encouragement, Ayla Corrin, Student Counsellor writing for HAPHE.
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Your support helps uncover what students often hide. With steady encouragement, Ayla Corrin, Student Counsellor writing for HAPHE.
With care,
Ayla Corrin
Could You Help ?
Around twelve percent of students told us their entire world collapsed when one relationship ended. CAFÉ Check-Ins are designed to steady identity by teaching balance across multiple anchors. Your support helps create spaces where love enriches without consuming. Sharing our mission on your social media is just as valuable.
Social Media, Self, Dreams/Education