The Problem with the Happily Ever After Story

By Shola Morgan

When we were kids, no one sat us down to say, “Hey, remember your favorite toy, your beloved Teddy bear? One day it could disappear, get damaged, or even—gasp—go missing forever.” If anyone had done that, we would have burst into tears. As children, we crave certainty. But as adults, we often carry that same desire for "happily ever after" into our decision-making, especially when it comes to the big things in life—our homes, jobs, and relationships.

I remember the first time I realized the power of the "happily ever after" story. It was 2005, and I had my eye on a lovely new home in suburban London. It was perfect—a nice layout, plenty of space for my family, and located on a quiet little street. My business was doing well. We could afford it! But the house I wanted was snapped up quickly, leaving me feeling devastated.

That’s when I met Sheila, the saleswoman overseeing the neighborhood. We struck up a friendship over the weeks, and while she was kind and warm, she was a master at selling the dream—painting a picture of how perfect life would be if I just bought another home.

One day, as Sheila was heading out to show a family around a property, she leaned in and whispered to me with a sarcastic eye roll, “I’ve got to go sell them the dream.” That’s when it hit me—no matter how much we connected as friends, she was still there to do a job. Her goal was to sell the "happily ever after" story, not just to that family but also to me.

It made me realize that this story we tell ourselves—that our job will last forever, our home will always be ours, or that life will go exactly as planned—isn’t based on reality. for her it was a roll of the eye marketing pitch. And while it’s easy to get swept up in the fairy tale, there are real dangers to believing in happily ever after.

1. Unrealistic Expectations of Life

Fairy tales, and by extension, the "happily ever after" narrative, often set us up for unrealistic expectations. These stories promise that if we just find the right job, the perfect partner, or the dream home, everything will fall into place. But real life is far more complicated. When we expect perfection, we set ourselves up for disappointment. It’s the same trap Sheila used to lure in her buyers—if we buy this home, life will be just as perfect as the brochure.

At university, you might expect that getting top marks, joining the right societies, or securing the ideal internship will set your life on the perfect trajectory. But life doesn’t always work that way. The problem arises when we don’t prepare ourselves emotionally for setbacks, because we’re too caught up in chasing perfection.

2. It Sows Seeds of Shame

When life doesn’t go according to the "happily ever after" script, we often feel shame. Why can’t we live up to the perfect lives we see in movies, social media, or even our own daydreams? The stories we tell ourselves isolate us when we fall short, making us believe that our struggles are somehow a personal failure.

As students, this pressure can feel overwhelming. Maybe you didn’t get into the society or Club you were hoping for, or perhaps your friendship group isn’t as solid as you expected. When these things happen, it’s easy to internalize the disappointment and feel like you’re not good enough. But life is full of ups and downs—something that fairy tales never quite prepare us for.

3. Compromised Identity and Sense of Self

The "happily ever after" story often forces us into predefined roles—think of the fairy tale princess who’s valued only for her beauty or ability to find a prince. Similarly, we can get stuck in narratives that define us by our academic success, social status, or career achievements.

At university, you might find yourself chasing a version of success that doesn’t align with who you truly are. Maybe you’re pursuing a degree because it’s what your family expects, or you’re investing all your emotional energy into a relationship that isn’t right for you. The danger of this story is that it disconnects us from our true selves, pushing us to prioritize external validation over inner fulfillment.

What Can We Do About It?

It’s time to rethink the "happily ever after" story. Life isn’t black and white—it’s a mix of debits and credits, wins and losses, ups and downs. And that’s okay. Instead of chasing perfection, we should strive for balance.

When I lost that house, I realized that it wasn’t the end of the world. Instead, it was an opportunity to reassess my priorities and make decisions that were rooted in reality, not fantasy. Similarly, when things don’t go as planned at university, don’t see it as a failure. See it as a chance to adapt, grow, and explore new paths.

The truth is, life doesn’t come with guarantees. But by managing our emotional investments carefully—by diversifying where we put our energy and being realistic about the outcomes—we can protect ourselves from the trauma of unmet expectations.

Remember: it’s okay to dream, but don’t lose sight of reality. After all, real life may not always be a fairy tale, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be wonderful.