How To Ensure You Are Making Healthy Connections

By Shola Morgan

As someone who has worked as an accountant on one hand and overseen young people transitioning out of the public care system on the other, I’ve learned a lot about how we invest in our lives—not just financially, but emotionally too.

My background included managing supported accommodations, and I witnessed firsthand the impact of mental health crises among high-risk young adults. This experience, combined with a short stint in wealth management, has given me a unique perspective on how to diversify investments—both financial and emotional.

In wealth management, we use the idea of diversifying financial portfolios to protect against loss. The same principle applies to emotional investments. The emotional crashes I’ve seen often stem from people placing all their emotional energy into one aspect of life—whether it’s a single friendship group, a romantic relationship, or a career goal. The emotional consequences of these undiversified investments can be devastating.

At university, it’s common to pour all your emotional capital into one thing—a friend group, a romantic relationship, or academic success. But what happens if that one thing doesn’t work out? You’re left feeling lost. That’s why emotional diversification is so important. Here’s how you can diversify your emotional investments while at university to protect your well-being.

1: Identify Why You Want to Connect

Before you invest time, energy, or emotions into something, ask yourself: Why do I want to connect? Whether it’s a friendship, a student society, or a romantic relationship, understanding your motivation is crucial.

For example, are you joining a group because you genuinely enjoy the activity, or because you feel pressured to fit in? Are you pursuing a relationship because it’s something you want, or because everyone around you seems to be in one? Being honest with yourself about your motivations helps you make more informed emotional investments

2: Understand the Importance of Perspective

At university, it’s easy to get tunnel vision and focus all your attention on one aspect of your life—be it your social group, your studies, or even a romantic partner. But just like in financial planning, it’s important to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

Are you investing too much emotional energy into one thing at the expense of everything else? For example, maybe you’re spending all your time with your friend group, and suddenly your grades are slipping. Or maybe you’re isolating yourself because you’re solely focused on academic success. The key is to balance your emotional investments so that you’re not reliant on one area of your life for your happiness and well-being.

3: Gather Information and Advice

Before making big decisions—whether it’s about investing financially or emotionally—it’s important to gather as much information as you can. Just like you wouldn’t invest in a company without researching it first, you shouldn’t dive headfirst into a friendship or relationship without understanding what you’re getting into.

At university, this could mean talking to other students or mentors who have been through similar experiences. If you’re thinking about joining a new club or group, ask people who are already involved what it’s like. If you’re starting a relationship, talk to someone who has navigated the ups and downs of university romance. Getting different perspectives will help you make a more informed decision.

4: Diversify Your Emotional Capital

One of the biggest mistakes I see young people make is putting all their emotional energy into one relationship or one friend group. It’s easy to do, especially when you’re at university and everything feels new and exciting. But just like in wealth management, putting all your investments into one place is risky.

Instead, try to diversify your emotional capital. If you’re in a friend group, make sure you also have individual friendships outside of that group. Join different societies or clubs so that if one area of your life becomes stressful, you have other outlets to turn to. This way, if a relationship or a friendship doesn’t work out, it won’t feel like your entire world is falling apart.

5: Revisit and Reassess Your Emotional Investments

Just like financial investments need to be revisited and reassessed over time, so do emotional investments. Relationships, friendships, and goals can change. Maybe your best friend from first year isn’t as close to you anymore, or your romantic relationship isn’t as fulfilling as it once was. That’s okay.

Take the time to regularly assess where your emotional energy is going. Are you putting too much into a relationship that isn’t giving much back? Are you focusing too much on one group of friends while neglecting others? Reassessing your emotional investments helps you avoid burnout and maintain a balanced, fulfilling university experience.

Final Thoughts: Protect Your Well-Being

University is an exciting but challenging time, and it’s easy to get caught up in the intensity of new experiences and relationships. But by diversifying your emotional investments—spreading your energy and attention across different aspects of your life—you can protect yourself from emotional burnout and disappointment.

Just like financial investors protect themselves by diversifying their portfolios, you can protect your emotional well-being by spreading your emotional capital across friendships, hobbies, academic goals, and personal growth. By doing so, you’ll be better equipped to handle the ups and downs of university life and come out stronger on the other side.

Remember, the goal isn’t to avoid emotional investment altogether—it’s to invest wisely, knowing that not every connection or goal will yield the same return.