Embracing Both Happiness And Sadness

AlexGrant

When I first started at the University of Manchester, I thought I had everything figured out. Psychology classes were lined up, my study schedule was airtight, and my future in the field seemed almost certain. I was focused on success and fulfillment, pouring all my energy into achieving this one vision of happiness. But here’s the thing: sometimes, life has a funny way of making you question everything you thought you knew.

I remember a moment last year that shook me. I was in the middle of exams—tired, stressed, and barely holding it together. I had just finished an all-nighter for a neuropsychology paper that left me feeling, honestly, a bit hollow. As I walked to the campus café for a much-needed caffeine fix, I ran into Tom, an old friend from my first-year dorm. He was with his new study group, laughing and looking genuinely happy.

“Hey, Alex! Long time no see!” he called out, waving me over.

I forced a smile, but internally, I felt this strange pang. Here I was, drowning in coursework, while Tom seemed to be thriving, even with the same academic pressures. I mumbled something about being busy and slipped away, but that brief encounter stayed with me. Why was he able to find joy in the middle of it all, while I felt like my happiness was always “just around the corner,” one more achievement away?

Correspondent’s Note:

As I reflected on that encounter with Tom, it hit me: I was so focused on pursuing happiness through my goals that I hadn’t given space for anything else—especially sadness. It was like I saw happiness as this end destination and sadness as something to avoid at all costs. But HAPHE's philosophy encouraged me to rethink that. Happiness and sadness aren't good or bad; they’re both just parts of the journey.

I started seeing my situation through a different lens. Maybe I was so tightly wound around my idea of success that I had forgotten to make room for the setbacks, for the days where happiness might not be front and center.

Understanding the Role of Sadness in Emotional Investment

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that avoiding sadness was like building a house on a weak foundation. I was setting myself up for emotional collapse the moment something went wrong. It was like that thrill of climbing a tall mountain but forgetting to brace for the wind that hits you near the peak. You can’t have one without the other.

One day, over coffee with my professor, I brought this up, half-jokingly saying, “Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just be happy all the time?”

She laughed and replied, “If we were happy all the time, Alex, how would we know it’s happiness? It’s the contrast that gives it meaning.”

Her words were a lightbulb moment. The contrast between happiness and sadness wasn’t something to avoid—it was what made each feeling valuable.

Learning to See the End from the Beginning

A few months later, as I sat down to make a decision about my summer internship, I decided to apply the HAPHE philosophy more consciously. Instead of focusing solely on the excitement of landing the internship, I asked myself about the possible downsides. I knew it would mean long hours, high stress, and days where I'd feel completely out of my depth. And suddenly, that didn’t scare me. Recognizing both the highs and lows from the outset made me feel more prepared, more grounded. It’s like being at the start of a long hike; you don’t just picture the summit, you prepare for the rocky trails, too.

I realized that preparing for both happiness and sadness in my investments—whether they were friendships, studies, or career goals—helped me feel more resilient. I was no longer blindly charging toward happiness; I was building a path that could withstand setbacks.

Applying “Shock Absorption” in Real Life

With each emotional investment, I began to incorporate what I like to call “shock absorption.” Just like a car’s suspension system helps it handle bumpy roads, planning for setbacks helped me handle the inevitable lows. I started leaving little notes to myself—yes, on my infamous Post-its—reminders to check in, to pause, and to remember that both happiness and sadness are part of my journey.

5 Tips for Balancing Emotional Investments

1. Recognise the Neutrality of Happiness and Sadness

Both emotions serve as signposts along your journey, not as destinations. Embrace the idea that neither is inherently good or bad—they simply are. This mindset helps you accept each as part of a balanced emotional landscape.

2. View the End from the Beginning

Before diving into a commitment, take a moment to consider the full experience—both the positives and the potential setbacks. Like I learned with my internship, seeing both sides helps you enter situations with clear, balanced expectations.

3. Build Shock Absorption into Your Investments

Plan for setbacks. Whether it’s a challenging course, a new friendship, or a job, acknowledge that there will be difficult moments. This mental “shock absorption” softens the blow of disappointments, helping you handle them with more resilience.

4. Base Your Choices on Well-Being, Not Just Happiness

Happiness can be fleeting, but well-being is about long-term health and growth. Ask yourself: Will this choice support my overall well-being? By focusing on well-being, you make choices that are fulfilling, not just temporarily satisfying.

5. Accept Both Gains and Losses as Part of Growth

Every investment, successful or not, teaches you something valuable. Whether a relationship ends or a project fails, see it as part of your growth. Embracing both gains and losses strengthens your emotional resilience, making each experience meaningful.

Final Thoughts: Embracing the Journey

As I look back, I realize that the biggest shift for me was in understanding that happiness and sadness aren’t opposites—they’re partners. They work together to shape us, to help us grow, and to make us resilient. HAPHE’s philosophy of balancing emotional investments isn’t just about making smarter choices; it’s about living a fuller, richer life where every emotion has its place.

So here’s to embracing both the good and the bad, and finding peace in knowing that every part of the journey is worth it.