Rediscovering Myself: Beyond Him and Into the Unknown

By LisaEldritch& Tola Osho (Correspondent)

I've even forgotten how to eat ice cream alone! Ana shared her story; I couldn’t help but reflect on my past relationships. As she patted her left cheek again.

I’d poured so much of myself into “us” that I hadn’t even noticed I was putting my well-being on hold. It’s like I’d gone from being “Lisa” to simply being “Lisa and him”—an inseparable duo. Don’t get me wrong; I adored the connection we had. But when it ended, it felt like I was holding only half of myself.

Ana was fresh out of a broken relationship I didn't have much to give except my experience.

Looking back, I realized that I had put aside so many things I loved. My evenings with friends dwindled, and my once-constant journaling habit faded away, replaced by texts, plans, and endless Netflix marathons with him. I hadn’t diversified my life, hadn’t nurtured my other “social assets,” as HAPHE would put it. And so, when he left, I felt like I was fumbling in the dark, trying to remember who I was before him.

I turned to Ana with a knowing smile. “You know, if there’s one thing I’d do differently in my next relationship, it would be to keep a bit more of me for…well, me. Relationships are beautiful, but they shouldn’t eclipse everything else in your life. I’ve learned that keeping a balance—between my partner, friends, hobbies, and even my little quirks—is what makes me feel grounded. And honestly, it’s something HAPHE teaches us: the whole point of connecting is for our well-being, not at the cost of it.”

Ana nodded, her eyes still red, widening in realization. “So, it’s like having different pillars to lean on instead of putting all the weight on one.”

She brushed her think black hair away. Although I know it was a disguised tear wipe.

“Exactly,” I replied, feeling a bit lighter for, with each word. “The next time I’m in a relationship, I’ll still be that person who shows up for their partner. But I’ll also be the friend who says ‘yes’ to impromptu nights out, the writer who journals to process my own thoughts, and the person who invests in other parts of life—just as much as I do in love.”

I could see Ana mulling over this, a new layer of understanding settling over her. “I think I get it,” she said slowly. “Love can still be all-encompassing, but it doesn’t have to consume you.”

“Exactly. HAPHE’s philosophy reminds us that all our connections should work together for the good of our whole self. So even when you’re in love, make sure there’s still room for friends, dreams, and even solo Friday nights with your favorite book or that weird TV show only you like. It’s not about holding back love; it’s about preserving all the other things that make you…you.”

Key Takeaways for Finding Balance in Relationships:

1. Keep Your Passions Alive:

Never abandon the hobbies, interests, and quirks that make you unique. They’re part of your well-being.

2. Nurture Multiple Connections:

Friends, family, hobbies—these pillars provide balance and resilience, especially during tough times.

3. Remember Who You Are:

Relationships should enhance, not define, who you are. Keep space for “you” alongside “us.”

4. Mind Your Emotional Investments:

Don't pour everything into one person or area. Diversify to prevent emotional burnout and disappointment.

5. Embrace the Philosophy of HAPHE:

Your connections—romantic or otherwise—are meant to benefit the whole of you, not just one part.

As Ana and I shared a quiet, understanding smile, I knew we had learned something valuable about love.

It’s not about giving less—it’s about giving wisely, keeping ourselves whole, and ensuring that every connection we make is for the good of our well-being. In the end, love is a powerful part of life’s tapestry, but it’s not the only thread that keeps us together.