Balancing Friendships Without Losing Myself

By MayaCruz

It was one of those rainy evenings, the kind that makes you crave a warm café, soft lighting, and a friend to share stories with.

But Priya, my best friend, was swamped with a project deadline, and I found myself wandering into a new coffee spot near campus on my own. It was a rare feeling, one of those moments where I realized just how much of my life had started to revolve around her.

Priya and I had been inseparable since our first year. We’d bonded over our love for literature and late-night ramen runs, and she quickly became my person on campus—the friend I’d talk to about everything, from big life questions to little quirks about our favorite professors. But as we grew closer, I found myself spending most of my time with her, often forgoing opportunities to connect with others. Without realizing it, I’d placed most of my emotional energy into our friendship.

That evening, as I sipped my chai latte, I ran into Aisha, a girl from my film studies class who I'd always exchanged friendly smiles with but never really got to know. We ended up sharing a table, and to my surprise, we talked for hours about our favorite films, quirky conspiracy theories, and our mutual obsession with retro music. I had forgotten how refreshing it could be to share new perspectives with someone outside my usual circle.

The next few weeks, I made an effort to diversify my investment. Priya remained my core friend—there was no question about that—but I started to give myself permission to explore other friendships. I reached out to people in my classes, joined a book club, and even started attending a weekly yoga session with Aisha. Each connection added something unique to my life, enriching it in ways I hadn’t expected.

The HAPHE philosophy encourages us to create connections by making investments with purpose, all for the good of our well-being as a whole. By seeing my friendships as a network rather than one singular bond, I felt a renewed sense of independence. If anything, it strengthened my friendship with Priya, as there was no longer an unspoken expectation for her to fulfill every part of my social life. HAPHE reminds us that our well-being benefits when we spread our emotional investments across various connections, creating a balanced foundation.

One evening, as I was leaving the campus library with Aisha, I noticed Priya waving to me from across the quad. She joined us, and for a brief moment, I saw my two worlds coming together—different friendships, each fulfilling in its own way, supporting my well-being in different dimensions.

Lessons in Balancing Friendships

Reflecting on my experience, here are some lessons that helped me find balance in my emotional investments. For anyone navigating friendships at university, these small shifts can make all the difference:

1. Diversify Your Emotional Connections

Don't put all your emotional energy into one friendship. Having a varied network of friends allows you to explore different sides of yourself and creates resilience in your social life. Think of it like building a portfolio of friends, each adding something unique to your experience. With HAPHE, think of each connection as a contribution to your overall well-being.

2. Balance Personal and Shared Spaces

Keep pursuing your own interests, even if they don’t align with those of your closest friends. Whether it’s a hobby or a new group, these individual pursuits keep you grounded and add variety to your social interactions. HAPHE reminds us that balanced investments require space for both shared and personal growth.

3. Appreciate the Core Friendships Without Over-relying on Them

A close friend like Priya is invaluable, but it’s important to avoid the pressure of expecting them to meet all your needs. The beauty of a diverse friendship circle is that each person brings something different to the table. The HAPHE perspective encourages you to stay connected but never dependent.

4. Embrace the Shift in Dynamics

Relationships change as we grow. It’s normal for some friendships to deepen while others fade. Recognizing this fluidity helps you stay open to new connections without feeling like you’re betraying existing ones. HAPHE teaches us to allow space for each friendship to evolve in its own way.

5. Practice Self-Awareness

Check in with yourself regularly. Are you leaning too heavily on one person? Is there an imbalance in how much you’re giving versus receiving? Awareness is key to making balanced investments in your friendships. HAPHE encourages mindful engagement, ensuring that each connection serves your well-being without compromising your sense of self.

In the end, friendships are like the beautiful lights on a carousel: they may flicker and change, but their impact remains. Embrace the ebbs and flows, balance your emotional investments, and most importantly, never lose sight of yourself. The ride may change, but the journey of connections is always worth it.